The Care and Feeding of Tsundere
by Zokusho
Summary: Just a silly little Konami story, using ideas I had floating around. Somewhat smutty, somewhat mushy. And silly. At least the 2nd chapter is.
1. Lesson 1: Tsundere Easily Feels Lonely

**The Care and Feeding of Tsundere: Lesson 1: Your Tsundere Easily Feels Lonely**

Just wanted to write some Konami again. Slightly smutty, thus, T rating it is.

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><p>"Kagamin! Kagamin!"<p>

Kagami stopped walking and braced for impact. As she had guessed, Konata "glomped" her from behind, wrapping her little hands around her shoulders, and literally hang onto her neck.

"Konata! Get off! You're choking me!" Kagami complained, and tried to shake the little pest off of her – that is, tried hard enough so that it would seem as if she wanted Konata to get off. The truth was, as Kagami now realized, that she enjoyed Konata's skinship. This realization made her blush even brighter.

Konata let off of her and sighed. "Aww. Kagamin is so cold."

"I-I just don't want you to hu – to attack me from behind –"

Kagami knew right away what would be Konata's comeback. She would say, _"My Kagamin wants to be hugged from the front,"_ or something.

So, before Konata could open her big mouth again, she quickly continued, "Anyway, what do you want?"

"Kagamin, why do you think I always _want_ something? I just wanted to, umm … hang around."

Kagami glared suspiciously at Konata, or at least tried to.

"Since it's weekend …"

True enough, it was Friday and the classes had just ended. Kagami continued glaring at Konata, not saying anything. She didn't want to give an impression that she herself wanted to hang around with someone as annoying as Konata.

"… I thought I could come to your place tomorrow."

Kagami sighed. She knew Konata wasn't coming to her home because she wanted to be with her. There were other reasons. "So you want to copy my homework again?"

"No, no!" Konata protested, wagging a finger. "I want to spend some time with my best friend!"

"But you've got a Pl*ystation at your house as well."

"Hey! I meant Kagamin! Kagamin is my best friend!"

"Yeah, sure. Whenever there's homework."

Konata's smile turned sour and her jaw twitched.

"_Oh, come on, are you pretending to be sad now?"_ Kagami thought. But the act looked disturbingly real. Not wanting to look at a sad Konata – whether she was pretending or not – she said, "Okay, okay. You can come. But if you keep copying my homework, you won't learn as much. Your grades will suffer. And what about the exams?"

Konata, instantly turned happy again, only exclaimed, "Yay, my Kagamin still likes me after all!"

Obviously anything Kagami said about grades, learning, and exams would be ignored.

Yet, Kagami could not stop herself from smiling.

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Of course, that Saturday, they barely got anything done. They just played games, Konata and Tsukasa took hours to cook a feast for the entire family, and then they played some more, read manga, and watched anime, until Kagami finally realized that it was 10 p.m.

She dropped the game controller and groaned, "Aargh! We didn't get _anything_ done! We were supposed to do our homework! And study!"

"Having fun is more important than school!" Konata claimed.

Tsukasa didn't comment on that, because she had been asleep for the past two hours.

"No, no! We must study hard! So that we get into a good college! And get a decent job! … and …"

"And all we will ever have is work, work, and more work, until we drop dead."

Kagami glared at Konata. She was grinning, but …

"Don't say such things. It won't be that bad."

Konata jumped on Kagami and wrapped her little arms around her, and pressed her cheek on Kagami's. "Aww, don't be sad. I'll make sure we have lots of fun!"

Again, Kagami's first reaction was to push Konata away and mutter something about them wasting their lives on fun. But the truth was that she had had a really fun day today, and…

"Oh, look at the time!" Konata yelped, got off of Kagami, and started to gather her things. "Gotta go! I need to check that the video is timed for the late night anime! And I haven't logged in at all today! Guys will think I am sick or something! Bye-nii!"

Kagami barely had time to say good night, before Konata was gone.

She felt a sting of loneliness in her heart. So, yeah, Tsukasa was here, although asleep, and her family was here, but still … she was lonely again.

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In the bathroom, Kagami let the sailor uniform shirt drop onto the floor and looked at her reflection. _"Sheesh, why does she have to touch me all the time?"_

In her family, they didn't touch each other very much. She didn't even remember when her mother had hugged her last. Not to mention father. But Kagami didn't even want to be touched by her parents.

When Konata touched her … she was ashamed. Ashamed of her body, which had changed quickly in just a couple of years. "Does she feel my breasts when she hugs me?" Kagami asked her reflection.

She pinched her waist and felt a thick, repulsive, ugly layer of fat. "And I'm so fat and ugly …"

Next, she raised an arm and sniffed her armpit. "Yech. I am so sweaty and smelly. She probably hates my stench."

"…and why do I always worry about what Konata thinks of me? That's not normal."

She let the rest of her clothes fall off and looked at her body. Was she truly ugly? Kagami never read smutty manga, and neither watched anything that had naked people. So she didn't really know what a beautiful nude woman should look like.

"What would Konata think if she saw me naked?" she muttered.

"And what would she do?" … Kagami put her hand on her cheek and slid it down by the side of her neck. _"Would she touch me like this?"_

Her hand went down, gently stroking her left breast. She traced her fingers around her nipple, which had suddenly become hard. _"What would she do here?"_

"_And here…"_

Her hand slid down her tummy and into the lilac hair down in between her legs.

"No!" she gasped. _"No, no. Stop, Kagami, stop. This is getting weird!"_

She quickly took the shower and let ice-cold water pour on herself as a self-punishment.

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"Ahh! Finally it's over. And a long weekend ahead! Anime and gaming all night!" Konata announced.

Once again, they were leaving the school together. Tsukasa had forgotten her bag in the classroom and was just getting it while Kagami and Konata waited on the yard.

"Kagamin, want to hang around again this weekend?"

"No."

Konata gasped and her eyes widened.

"No, I didn't mean I don't want to!" Kagami corrected. Realizing that that might have sounded a bit out of character – she didn't want Konata to know she liked her, she quickly added. "It's just because me, mom, and my sisters are going somewhere!"

"Oh. Where to?"

"Mom won two nights at a famous onsen-inn in a mall lottery. It's for the entire family, though dad is at a priests' conference and won't come with us."

"Sounds nice."

"Yes, they have an outdoor bath and stuff like that."

Konata's eyes brightened. "Hey! Since your dad isn't coming … that means you can take someone else instead – why don't I come with you!"

"No, you can't. We can barely fit in the car ourselves."

"Please! I … I can go in the trunk!"

"No, that's illegal. Besides, our bags will be there," Kagami explained.

"But I want to try an outdoor bath too!"

Kagami felt the familiar sting in her heart. She almost said that she would herself stay home and let Konata go instead, but that wouldn't be any better, since it was exactly Konata whom she wanted to be with.

So, she just said, "You can't come with us. That's final."

This time Kagami really couldn't tell whether Konata was acting at all. She looked so hurt and sad.

"Sorry for making you wait," Tsukasa said, as she hurried towards them.

Kagami turned around, because she felt almost like crying and didn't want Konata or her sister to see her expression. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

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Kagami had been in a terrible mood all the way to this famous onsen-inn. The others were too excited about the trip to notice. Inori had taken the front seat, their mother Miki was driving, and Matsuri, Tsukasa and Kagami had crammed themselves onto the back seat. Tsukasa had to sit in the middle as usual; Matsuri and Kagami would only start arguing or even fighting if there wasn't anyone in between them during long drives.

Kagami sighed once more, slightly louder than the last time, and looked back once again. She had been so sure that Konata would come along, despite what she had told her.

She saw a taxi following them. _"Maybe she jumped into a taxi and said, 'Follow that car!',"_ Kagami thought. _"That's exactly like something she would do."_

But, after just a few minutes, the taxi turned away at an intersection.

"_Ah well. I told her the address of the place, so she can find it..."_

Kagami felt her cheeks turning red. _"Wait, I told her the address? Yes, I did! Why did I do that? That was a bit … weird! I wonder what she thinks of that. Oh, crap … she's going to tease me for it afterwards."_

"Me too! I just love J*hnny D*pp!" Tsukasa exclaimed. "Sis, what do you think?"

"Yeah, I like her too ..." Kagami muttered absent-mindedly, and quickly corrected, "…him, I mean. You're talking about those pirate movies?"

"We've been talking about it all the time! Where have you been, Kagami?" Matsuri asked.

"Oh, I did listen … I was just thinking of something else. Anyway, I think the leading lady was too flat."

Everyone else went quiet, and all, except Miki, who was driving, turned to look at Kagami.

And she turned scarlet red.

"I mean, I mean, don't they usually have more, uh, well-endowed actresses in the leading roles?" she stuttered.

Matsuri stared at her through narrowed eyes. Kagami knew she would use this against her at some time later. For now – and because their mother was present – she pretended to believe Kagami.

"Yeah, you got a point. They should have … someone like me as the heroine!" Matsuri exclaimed, thrust her chest out and shook it from side to side, making her boobs jiggle.

Quickly, Kagami came up with a comeback. "So, how's your English? You know all world stars act in English."

"I – I don't need to study English! I did it in High School! Besides, I'm sure they can dub my part or something! With all this modern technology and stuff."

Kagami tried not to look too gleeful.

By mutual consent, they switched the subject back to pirate – and other – movies for the rest of the drive.

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Of course, Konata never appeared. Not that there was any reason for her to come.

She had not hid herself into one of their bags, she didn't hitchhike to the onsen, and she didn't even answer her cell phone when Kagami tried to call her late at night when she couldn't fall asleep. Konata's phone answered with a busy tone, which meant that she probably had forgotten to charge it.

At least Kagami was fortunate to have her own room at the inn. For some reason, it was a Western room, but she liked a soft, fluffy Western bed now and then. And the large pillows it had. She hugged one of the pillows, and imagined that it was Konata.

"Oh, how sad case I am …" she sighed. But this finally comforted her enough so that she could fall asleep.

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><p>I sort of wanted to use some old snippets I wrote and use them in this little chapter, which I sort of wanted to use as an introduction to the challenge chapter. So, the next chapter is very silly indeed. You can skip it and you lose nothing.<p> 


	2. Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Lucky Star for me!

**The Care and Feeding of Tsundere: Lesson 2: Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Lucky Star for me!**

This is actually the second chapter of a story called "The Care and Feeding of Tsundere."

Since I couldn't finish the first chapter in time, I'm putting out the second one first (-_-;) because it's also for the 12th challenge on MLSF. (Is this too confusing?)

Theme this time was: pirates, more specifically, "Take your favorite cast and take them to the high seas, as pirates!"

Be warned: this is a _very_ silly chapter. And slightly naughty. with _yuri_ and stuff, not quite enough for a M rating.

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><p>The spyglass slipped from the captain's fingers and fell onto the deck. "Oh no, it's the Sea Lily!" the captain cried. At an instant, the entire crew was panicking and running for the lifeboat.<p>

Kagami heard the commotion to the cabin where she and Tsukasa had stayed during their journey. "What's that noise? Stay here, Tsukasa, I'll take a look."

She unhooked the clasp and opened the door slightly. There was nobody in the corridor, so she went to the outer door and peeked into the deck. The last crewmen were just frantically climbing over the bulwark.

Kagami walked to the rail, peeked over it, and saw that the entire crew had squeezed into the ship's boat, about to cut the ropes. It looked like the crew was abandoning the ship.

"What are you doing!" Kagami shouted.

"It's the Sea Lily!" one of the sailors yelled. "It's every man for themselves!"

"What Sea Lily? What is that? You can't just leave the ship like this!" Kagami shouted.

"To be captured by Legendary Pirate A … that's worse than being adrift in the middle of the ocean!"

"Yeah, mate!" another sailor agreed.

"A fate worse than death!" yet another one cried.

"Don't worry," the captain shouted, as the men rowed away with all their strength. "You two are girls! So I think they won't do anything too unpleasant! I hope!"

"Wait, what? Who is Legendary Pirate A?" Kagami shouted, but the sailors were too busy running – or in this case, rowing – for their lives, so that they didn't offer any more answers. Besides, the boat was quickly getting out of shouting range.

Kagami looked over her shoulder and saw another ship a few hundred yards away, rapidly coming closer due to tailwind behind her. As she noticed a black flag, she realized that it was a pirate ship. "Sea Lily? So it is a ship? And Legendary Pirate A…?" she muttered.

"Tsukasa! Get back into the cabin!" Kagami shouted, as she saw that her little sister had come out, blinking in the bright morning sunlight. And Tsukasa had forgotten to wear her corset and dress, so everyone could see her chemise. Or everyone might have seen it if they had been there anymore.

"What's going on, sis?"

"Just get back into the cabin! And lock the door! Don't open it to anyone! Do you understand?"

"O-okay, sis," Tsukasa gasped, and quickly disappeared back under the deck.

Kagami waited until Tsukasa had shut her door, and then scampered up the steep stairs to the higher deck at the back of the ship – whatever it was called – and to the ship's wheel. There wasn't really anything else she could do but to turn the ship ninety degrees so that she would have tailwind. So she turned the wheel … and the ship turned exactly the wrong way. Which wasn't surprising, because she know absolutely nothing about sailing ships, not to mention pintle-and-gudgeon rudders. "I should have studied this … but ladies don't study such things!" she groaned.

The pirate ship was gaining on them rapidly.

It was hopeless - clearly, the pirate ship would have been much faster than this one anyway. But now Kagami had an idea: she turned the wheel even more, and the ship kept turning as well.

She saw the pirates looking at her with their mouths open. Her ship was now heeling precipitously. For some reason, the wheel felt heavier and heavier, until Kagami had great difficulty in holding it.

The way the ship was turning made it very dangerous to approach with another ship – so at least for now, they were safe. "Sis, I'm getting seasick!" Tsukasa yelled from below.

As they turned past the point where the wind changed to the other side, the wheel was suddenly jerked into another direction, sending Kagami flying a couple of meters through the air. As she landed she hit her head into something and everything went black.

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Kagami heard a bright voice saying, "You crazy lass, you almost capsized your ship."

She opened her eyes slightly and saw a pair of deep emerald eyes staring at her. The eyes belonged to a young girl, looking maybe fourteen years old. The girl was crouching next to Kagami, and her overflowing blue hair rested onto the deck around her. She had a perky, cute face, accentuated by a little black mole on her left cheek. A strand of blue hair was standing up on top of her head, swaying in the wind. The girl wasn't dressed like a lady: she was wearing a white, red-striped sailor shirt, a red skirt, and two flintlock pistols and a cutlass scabbard on her belt.

Kagami gasped as she saw that the girl was barefoot. Only women of ill repute showed their bare feet in public. The girl was also holding a wide-brimmed, black hat. A traditional pirate hat, that is. She plopped it onto her head and stood up, and announced, "Yo, twin-tailed lady. Let me introduce meself! I be Konata Izumi, captain o' t' Sea Lily – and a dashin' pirate known as Legendary Pirate A throughout t' seven seas!"

"Technically, Izumi-san," another, pink-haired pirate said, "the concept of Seven Seas was used in medieval times, and it referred only to seas near Europe and Arabia. Since those times, we have discovered many more seas, even oceans –"

"Ahoy, thanks, Miyuki-chan," Konata interrupted her.

Kagami clambered up to her feet, rubbed her aching head, and looked around. She saw that they were now on board of the pirate ship, which was apparently called Sea Lily. She sighed in relief when she saw her sister Tsukasa standing nearby, looking scared and worried but unharmed, and guarded by two more pirates.

She was also relieved to see that _all_ the pirates seemed to be female. Some things the sailors had said began to make sense now.

"I am _lady_ Kagami Hiiragi, and I assure you that there was only me and my sister, _lady_ Tsukasa Hiiragi, on the ship. What comes to loot, I doubt our ship carries any notable valuables, other than mine and my sister's modest jewelry and the limited funds we have. Now, I expect you to –"

Kagami realized the Legendary Pirate A, Konata, that is, wasn't quite listening to her. Instead, she was staring at her like she was a piece of sizzling tenderloin right off the grill. That look made Kagami feel a bit uneasy.

"Yo, Kagamin, why be you wearin' such thin's? Isn't it awfully hot in those clothes?"

Kagami glared back at Konata as if she was looking at a retard. And frankly, Konata hadn't given her any reason to believe otherwise. "I am to be referred as _Lady Hiiragi-sama!_ Secondly, any _decent_ woman wears corset and chemise under her dress! And gloves! And proper shoes! And …" – Kagami looked around, making sure there were no disgusting _men_ hiding anywhere and listening to her – "ahem … drawers."

Whispering the unmentionable made a rosy tint appear on Kagami's cheeks.

"So, drop 'em," Konata commanded.

"Excuse me!" Kagami gasped.

"Let it all hang out, I said. I want t' see my booty!"

Kagami turned deep red, and screamed a string of mild but already somewhat un-ladylike expletives at Konata with such gusto that Konata's _ahoge_ swayed in the gust of wind caused by this outburst. "… and finally, I am not your booty, you, you … pirate! I shall do nothing you order me to do! Quite the opposite!" she finished her speech.

With a glint in her eyes, Konata immediately responded, "Oh? Then, I command you _not_ t' take your clothes off!"

"No! I absolutely refuse!" Kagami yelled, "I mean, I _am_ going to take my clothes off! No, I mean, _not _taking … damn you!"

Konata chuckled as Kagami fell into her little trap.

"Let's see if we can persuade you. Kusakabe! Patty-chan! Time for t' monkey cage, for t' little sister!"

The fanged pirate and the large blond pirate with big boobs, apparently named Kusakabe and Patty-chan, respectively, grabbed Tsukasa from behind.

Kagami yelped and tried to run to her sister, but Konata and Miyuki grabbed her, slammed her against the mast, and tied her hands securely into it.

"Let her go! If you so much as touch one hair on her head I will … I will …"

The pirates around her turned to look at her, waiting to hear what she had in mind for them.

"You would…?" Konata asked.

Kagami, still trying to act like a lady, shouted, "You, you … scoundrels and rapscallions! I will see that you are put into stocks! Or pilloried! And, and … dunked into water!"

The pirates looked at each other and burst into cruel laughter.

"Be that best you could think of, Kagamin?" Konata cackled. "In fact, you just gave me ideas! I thought I'd strip your sweet lil' sister nude and put her into this cage here, like a little monkey, but … yo, Patty-chan! Kusakabe! Leave her be – oh, do still put her into t' cage, aye – and then fetch me a plank or two. And a saw!"

Misao Kusakabe and Patricia pushed Tsukasa, still fully clothed, into the iron cage standing nearby, and locked the door. She was limp with fear and collapsed onto the straws on the floor of the cage. "Please don't hurt us … please …" she pleaded, tears running down her cheeks.

"Nah, I'm not going to _hurt_ you…" Konata muttered. Kagami didn't like the lewd grin she had when she was looking at Tsukasa. "You monster!" she yelled, hoping to turn Konata's attention back to her instead.

"We have t' planks and t' saw, ma'am!" Misao exclaimed.

"Good, good. Now, we need t' make stocks! I will measure _lady_ Kagamin's feet –" Konata stopped in mid-sentence because Kagami started struggling and kicking around, barely missing Konata.

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Kagami tried to yank her feet away, but they were securely locked into the makeshift stocks. She withered and wriggled her feet, until Konata ordered Patricia and Misao to hold her big toes so that she could keep tickling the soles as effectively she could. And Konata listened to Kagami's screams and laughter, and concentrated to the spots that incited the loudest reaction.

Kagami struggled, wriggled, kicked, pushed, and pulled at the ropes, shook her head, gasped, screamed, laughed, and shrieked as Konata mercilessly kept on tickling both her feet.

To Kagami's surprise – and horror – being tied up, helpless, and then tickle tortured like this made her feel something unexpected. In a completely un-ladylake, sinful, and scandalous way, she was getting _turned on_. She felt a wet spot in between her legs and could only pray that it wouldn't show. And it was that other kind of wetness, although she also felt that she would wet her pants if Konata didn't stop tickling her soon.

Just as Kagami thought she absolutely couldn't take it anymore, Konata stopped tickling her feet. Kagami went limp, and was left dangling by her wrists which were tied to the mast.

Konata let her rest for a short while, then walked up to her, grabbed her chin, and lifted her face up, staring into her eyes. "Well, lass? Will you do whatever I say now?"

Kagami gulped, took a deep breath, and said quietly, "No!"

"So you don't yield?" Konata asked, just to be sure.

"Never!" Kagami screamed. "You can torture me to death, but I will never, ever do what you say!"

"How about your sister, then?"

"You coward! Only a cruel, sadistic, evil, _twisted_ person would do anything to Tsukasa!"

"You got a point. She's just too cute and weak … I don't want t' torment her. Besides, thar's no challenge."

Konata let go of Kagami's chin and stood up, looking thoughtful. Then, she turned to her fellow pirates. "Let's sail t' Iriomote!"

"But, Izumi-san, that's south of Okinawa. It's on the other side of the Americas. About 18,000 nautical miles from here," Miyuki noted.

"Oh! …hmm, then, to, to … Mermaids' Lagoon! Raise t' anchor! Reef the mainsail! Let's go! Come aboard, you little buccaneers!" Konata shouted.

"Excuse me, Izumi-san, we all are already aboard. Also, shouldn't we raise the mainsail rather than reef it?" Miyuki noted.

"Oh? Well, you handle t' details, first mate Yuki-chan!" Konata exclaimed, and then started singing, **"Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!"** All the pirates dropped whatever they were doing and started dancing and singing, **"Yar har, fiddle di dee! Being a pirate is alright to be, do what you want 'cause a pirate is free! You are a pirate!"**

Tsukasa quickly covered her ears, fearing she would hear rude or suggestive lyrics. Not that she would have, surprisingly.

Kagami simply closed her eyes and refused to listen or look. But despite everything, she still couldn't quite resist peeking at Konata at some point. The blunette just looked so damn cute when she was singing and dancing. And the boobs of the blonde pirate jiggled and bounced hypnotically … Kagami shivered and forced her eyes close again. _"No, no, a lady like me should never have such dirty thoughts! My father, a priest – he would be ashamed if he knew what I was just thinking of! … shoot. I need to find a Shinto priest soon and confess my sins … dear father, I have been sinning. I looked at girls and wanted to indulge in carnal pleasures … stop, stop! Kagami, stop thinking of that!"_

Her thoughts were interrupted and her eyes blinked open as someone touched her. It was Konata, of course; she was leaning onto her and singing the final lines of the song into her ear. Konata's loose shirt allowed Kagami to see right down into her cleavage, or rather, the lack of it. In fact, Kagami could clearly see Konata's naked breasts. She gasped and closed her eyes again, hoping that the pirate girl had not noticed.

She wasn't that lucky.

"Oh, Kagamin, did you like what you saw?" Konata whispered into her ear, her breath tickling the side of her neck. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours!"

Kagami knew she was again blushing bright red, and since she knew it, it made her even more embarrassed and she blushed even brighter.

"Damn you …" she muttered.

"Now, now. Be that how a lady talks?"

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It took just a few hours to reach Mermaid's Lagoon. The pirates let them be for now, and they both were even given a piece of bread and a cup of diluted wine. But they didn't let Kagami out of the stocks, and Tsukasa had to remain in her cage. Kagami tried to console and cheer her little sister up as much as she could.

Mermaid's Lagoon was surrounded by a semicircular reef, high enough to form a small, narrow island which supported a few palm trees. The lagoon in itself looked much darker than the surrounding shallow waters; it was probably very deep.

The Sea Lily sailed into the lagoon and was anchored. By now, it was late afternoon, and the sun was rapidly going down.

Konata came out of her cabin and ordered the pirates to unlock the makeshift stocks. Kagami stretched her limbs while glaring at Konata, but being surrounded by half a dozen pirates, she decided not to try strangling her just now.

"So, Kagamin. I suppose you aren't going t' submit?"

"I said never! And that means, never."

"Very well. Do you remember what you said you would do t' us? You said, you would see us dunked into t' water. So, I'm going to make you walk t' plank! Arr!"

Kagami turned pale, but refused to show any fear. There was a yelp from Tsukasa's direction, but Kagami glanced at her, and she made no more sounds.

At a gesture from Konata, the pirates grabbed Kagami's hands and tied them behind her back. A few others brought a plank and set attached it to the bulwark.

Before the pirates had a change to push her, Kagami stepped onto the plank herself and took a few steps. She was now precariously balanced above the dark, deep waters of the lagoon.

Konata had drawn her cutlass. She looked a bit hesitant now. "Um, Kagamin … are you sure you aren't goin' t' submit?"

Kagami turned around, and exclaimed, "Never! I'd rather die!"

She was half-expecting Konata to give up now. By her expression, she figured that Konata didn't want to actually kill or harm her.

Konata was just about to say something, when Kagami's foot slipped, and she fell into the water.

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With her hands behind her back, and still wearing all the clothes of a lady – sans shoes – she sank like a rock. The only thing Kagami could do was to hold her breath, and hope that the pirates would try to rescue her.

This lagoon was deep indeed. Her ears were popping with the pressure, and it was quickly getting darker.

She decided to just try to relax and calm down, as much as possible under these conditions, because that would save her breath a little longer. She closed her eyes and tried to meditate as she had done so often at their family shrine.

How many minutes had she been under water? Her lungs were about to burst.

Slowly, she exhaled some of the air, buying herself a few more seconds.

But just before she was forced to inhale a lungs-full of seawater, someone wrapped her arms around her, and a pair of full, warm, moist, _delicious_ lips pressed on hers, and she could feel a body of a woman pressing against her.

Kagami's eyes popped open and she saw a nude woman embracing and French-kissing her. The woman's tongue was tickling her own, sending a tingling feeling throughout her body. She gasped in surprise, completely forgetting she was deep underwater.

And so Kagami inhaled seawater ... and found out that she could breathe it. As if that had not been weird enough, she could apparently see in the dark as well.

The woman had golden eyes, and her abundant brown hair floated around her in the water. She wasn't _quite_ nude after all – she was wearing a sea-shell bikini top. And, instead of legs, the woman had a fish tail.

"Oh, hi there, beautiful. I'm Amahara, what's your name?" the woman said. She was still embracing her, and Kagami felt that she was untying her hands.

"Lady Kagami Hiiragi," Kagami gasped. A few bubbles escaped from her lips. Now she didn't have any air left and should have been drowned already. Or maybe she had drowned already and this was heaven. It was markedly different from what her father had said heaven would be like, though. "What is this?"

"Oh, I just gave you an ability to breathe in here. We mermaids can do that."

"A-amazing …"

"However! I have to kiss you every minute or you will start drowning again!"

"Mmmph!" Kagami answered, because the woman kissed her again, possibly even more passionately than before. Kagami closed her eyes and realized she was thinking about someone else. Someone stupid. A dashing pirate captain, with emerald eyes and blue hair. But due to the circumstances, she couldn't avoid kissing this mermaid, and so she could only try to enjoy it.

"Okay, okay!" Kagami gasped, when the woman finally pulled her tongue out. "So you must kiss me, then, but could you at least make it just a little peck or something?"

"But I like tongue kissing."

"Amahara-san, please!"

"Aww … anyway, let's go."

The mermaid Amahara grabbed her hand and started swimming very fast, dragging Kagami behind her.

"W-where are we going?"

Amahara stopped and pushed her tongue into Kagami's mouth again. She didn't dare to resist, fearing that she might start drowning at any moment. After the kiss, she did protest, "Hey! A minute had not passed yet! And you did that thing with your tongue again!"

"I want you to meet my partner."

Kagami looked around and realized that had swum into an underwater cave. The walls were covered with all sorts of colorful coral creatures. A large, if rather phlegmatic-looking sea bass was staring at her. "Is this your partner?"

Apparently not. As the fish swam out of the way, Kagami saw another mermaid. She was smaller than Amahara, had orange red hair, freckles on her cheeks, and she was wearing glasses and a white sea-shell bikini. She was sort of sitting, like a person with a fish tail could be called sitting, on a chair-like depression, relaxing, and cradling a big live lobster on her lap.

"Time for a kiss!" Amahara noted, but this time she wasn't quite as intrusive with Kagami's mouth.

"I wish you wouldn't bring them here and kiss them in front of me," the other mermaid muttered.

"This is Sakuraba," Amahara introduced her, "And, this human covered with lots of unnecessary fabric covering her is lady Kagami Hiiragi."

Amahara turned around and kissed Kagami yet again.

"That was _certainly_ not a minute!" Kagami groaned.

Lazily, Sakuraba put the lobster away, stretched her arms, and muttered, "Amahara … did you tell her you need to kiss her all the time? You know only once per day or so is needed …"

"Aww, why did have to you tell her?"

"Once per day!" Kagami groaned. "… but … thank you, anyway. I guess you saved my life. But I can't stay here! My sister is still a prisoner. And I have to capture that ship, somehow!"

Sakuraba glared at Amahara and her glasses glinted. "I bet you French kissed her! You know I don't like you doing that!"

"Uh … maybe I did. But just a little!"

"No, she shoved her tongue down my throat! Several times!" Kagami yelled. "But never mind that now! Did you hear what I said?"

"We did hear you," Sakuraba answered. "And we will help you. We shall teach you the secrets of the mermaid ninjas!"

Kagami's jaw fell open. "Mermaid … ninjas? That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

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Amahara and Sakuraba looked at Kagami expectantly.

"Excuse me. I won't change my clothes while you're watching!"

Sakuraba had brought her a black, full body suit, including a shirt, hakama, stockings, gloves, hood, and a scarf to cover her from head to toes in black silk. From what Kagami knew of ninjas, they never wore such things.

Amahara sighed. "Okay, okay. You can swim to that side cave and change in there."

Kagami turned around at the mouth of the cave, and hissed, "No peeking!"

"I promise," Amahara said, with her fingers crossed.

"If you cross your fingers, aren't you supposed to do that behind your back?"

"Oh. Right."

As quickly as she could, Kagami changed her clothes. The "ninja suit" was unlike any other garment. Kagami's own dress was, of course, completely soaked and probably ruined by the salt water, but this black suit felt like it was dry. It sort of repelled water.

There was a large oval plate on the cave wall, which reflected light. Kagami swam to it and realized that is was actually a mirror, made of mother-of-pearl. She gasped as she saw her reflection. She looked … just awesome. Like a superhero or a goddess.

The suit was skin-tight and showed off the subtle curves of her body. "My bum _doesn't_ look big in this," she muttered. She wasn't quite sure whether that was a good thing or not. Does Konata like big butts? She groaned when she realized what she had been thinking. "No, no! I'm not wearing this for _her_!"

She gathered all her hair floating around and made a topknot. She cringed at her reflection – this had made her look manly. Like a samurai. She stuffed her old dress into a sack which she found floating nearby, sighed, and swam back to the pair of mermaids.

"Okay, I wore this suit. What next?"

"Oh, you just need this and you are good to go!" Amahara said, handing a sheathed sword to her. It was a bit shorter and straighter than a katana.

"What? Aren't you going to teach me the ... I can't believe I'm saying this … ninja mermaid techniques?"

"… well, we don't really have any techniques after all. Other than tail slap. And you aren't endowed with a tail," Sakuraba muttered.

Amahara kept staring at Kagami shamelessly. "Um, well … I can take you to the ship. It's night over there, so it's easy for you to sneak in wearing that."

Amahara kicked herself forward with her powerful tail and shoved her tongue into Kagami's mouth once more, taking her by surprise.

"Hey!" Kagami groaned when she was finally able to free her mouth. She was getting worried though, because she felt like she might start enjoying these kisses too much. And Amahara tasted like fresh dashi stock and seaweed, which she liked.

"I guessed you wouldn't give me a goodbye kiss," the mermaid explained.

"No. I wouldn't. Still, I guess I have to thank you."

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"Stop fondling my bum!" Kagami hissed.

"But it's so nice and firm," Amahara whispered. She was currently helping Kagami out of the water and onto the rope ladder hanging over the bulwark.

"Okay, I got a hold of it now, you can go," Kagami whispered. "And … goodbye."

"I hope I'll kiss you … I mean, meet you again."

"Yeah, maybe."

Kagami was already concentrating on the trials ahead. How could she – a refined lady – capture a ship full of bloodthirsty pirates on her own? Even when covered in black clothing from head to toes and carrying a sword. They didn't train fencing in her household.

Slowly and carefully, she raised her head over the bulwark. It looked like the pirates had not posted a guard. She also saw Tsukasa, still in the cage, but thankfully wearing all her clothes. It looked like she was asleep.

Kagami decided not to wake up her sister for now, because she could make too much noise. Besides, the cage was locked and the captain had the key.

So there was only one thing she could do. Trying to avoid making any sounds, she clambered over the bulwark and onto the deck. At this point, she heard a sound of snoring somewhere near.

The night vision of the mermaids was either wearing off or didn't work above the surface, but in the bright moonlight she could see a pair of legs behind the mast. The legs belonged to the guard the pirates had posted after all – but the guard, that fanged pirate they called Kusakabe wasn't doing a very good job. She was leaning onto a coil of rope and snoring loudly.

She sneaked past her easily and found the door into the cabins. It wasn't locked.

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So there she was. Legendary Pirate A, Konata Izumi, fast asleep, completely at Kagami's mercy. Quietly, she drew her _ninjato_, the steel blade of it gleamed in the moonlight.

Konata turned in her sleep, and was now facing Kagami. Instantly, Kagami knew she could not use her sword. Nobody could cut such a beautiful, innocent, cute, childlike person. At least not when she was asleep.

Sighing, Kagami removed her mask, let her hair down, and lighted an oil lamp hanging on the wall. She then took a ladleful of water from the nearby barrel and splashed it on Konata's face.

Konata woke up instantly, coughed and spluttered, and was about to sit up, when she saw a gleaming sword blade pointing at her. She followed the blade with her eyes and saw who was holding it.

Only now, Kagami noticed that Konata's eyes were red and she had stains on her cheeks. As if she had cried herself to sleep.

"Kaga- … I mean, lady Hiiragi-sama? I'm so happy that you are okay!"

Kagami laughed. "So _now_ you are speaking politely?"

"I, uh, I never meant any harm! I was just … horsing around. I hoped, I mean, I _knew_ t' mermaids would save you! We don't have a lifeboat and none o' us knows how t' swim … so we had no means t' try t' save you …"

Kagami hesitated a bit. At least she sounded honest about that part.

"Even if you aren't lying, that doesn't compensate for our ship, our belongings, deprivation of our liberty, and all the invasions against our … bodily integrity!"

Kagami let Konata sit up and face her. She looked very subdued, apologetic, and regretful. _"She's probably just acting."_

"Uh … lady Hiiragi-sama … I …"

"Yes?"

"I be … sorry."

"Yeah, right."

"Honestly! I am!" Konata exclaimed, and opened her arms. When she did that, her cover slid off of her. And underneath, she was wearing … nothing at all. She was completely nude.

Kagami felt that familiar burn on her cheeks, and took half a step backwards. Yet, she couldn't turn her eyes away.

Konata tried to grasp the blanket, but it had fallen onto the floor. She yelped, pulled her legs together, and covered her chest with her arms. And _her_ cheeks were blushing now as well.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence. Konata stared at Kagami wide-eyed, and then, shrugged her shoulders.

"Kaga-, I mean, lady Hiiragi-sama, I, I … I surrender! … y-you can do _anythin'_ you like t' me!" Konata gasped, closed her eyes tightly, and fell backwards onto the bed, spreading both her legs and arms.

Kagami's sword clattered onto the floor. She was suddenly feeling very dizzy and her heart started pounding. The girl on the bed looked so …

And Kagami could do anything she wanted to her?

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"Kagami! Wake up!" her mother shouted. "You forgot to set your alarm clock? This is rare."

"No!" Kagami yelled as she realized she had woken up. She pulled the covers over her head. "Continuation!"

"What? You need to get up. Even Tsukasa has gotten up."

"No! No! Continuation!" Kagami groaned. But she knew it was too late.

* * *

><p><strong>Inspirations<strong>:

Peter Pan.

Infocom's old, old text adventure game "Plundered Hearts". I always got "A Fate Worse than Death" :). Never completed it. Yeah, I know there are walkthroughs now.

Pirate movies – excluding those new ones with Johnny Depp because I haven't seen 'em.

Lazy Town: You are a pirate!

At the end: Azumanga Daioh.


	3. Lesson 3: Share a Little Adventure

**The Care and Feeding of Tsundere: Lesson 3: Share a Little Adventure with Your Tsundere**

Written for the 14th challenge on MLSF. Theme was "the characters spend a few days in a manor house."

Due to the deadline, which was a week ago :), I couldn't write about all of their exploits in the place. This chapter would have been, like, five times longer.

* * *

><p>"…<em>basu gasu basuhasu!"<em> Tsukasa said, looking proud at her achievement.

"Sorry, Tsukasa, but you got it wrong –"

Before Kagami could finish, there was a loud bang and the entire minibus rocked, shaking most of the girls awake – except for those who couldn't sleep at all. Because Yui was driving.

"What? What? Did we hit something?" Kuroi-sensei gasped.

The bus started swaying, and it looked like Yui had trouble keeping it on the road. She hit the brakes, and the girls screamed in terror as bags from the top shelves rained down on top of them. The bus slewed into the right shoulder, mowing down grass and bushes, and then stopped.

Everyone was yelling at the same time, until Kuroi-sensei grabbed the microphone and shouted, "Be quiet! The bus has stopped now and we are safe! What happened, Narumi-san?"

She pushed the microphone at Yui, who groaned, "I think we had a flat. And then … this asphalt is slick due to all this rain."

True enough, rain was pouring down. Their beach holiday to celebrate the end of high school had been all sunshine, but on the way back they had been hit by a torrent of rain.

Konata fished out her cell phone. "Hm, I don't seem to have a connection."

The others – Konata, Kagami, Tsukasa, Miyuki, Yutaka, Minami, Misao, Ayano, Patricia, and Hiyori – dug themselves out from under the bags and checked their cell phones as well. None of them seemed to work.

"Strange. This place just happens to be a dead zone, then. I guess we will have to find a place where we can make a phone call," Yui said. "Who's going to get help?"

"Well, I don't want to stay in this bus. When it's slanted this much, you can't even sit on the benches," Kuroi-sensei complained.

"We're also at an edge of an even deeper ditch," Yui noted. "It's dangerous to stay here."

"Why don't we all go?" Kagami asked. "Did everyone bring an umbrella?"

Everybody did. Except Konata. "Hey, Kagamin, can I share your umbrella?"

Hiyori, and some of the others turned to look at Kagami, because they knew how she would react. And they weren't disappointed: Kagami's cheeks instantly turned red, before she muttered, "Uh, I guess we can … just this once … because of the situation … since it's an emergency … …"

A little moan escaped from Hiyori's lips, and she started sketching frantically. Kagami shot a sharp glance at her from under her brow, but she didn't even notice.

Cautiously, they stepped out of the bus, one by one. Fortunately the bus had ended up in the wrong side of the road and they didn't have to step into the ditch, but the ground was still muddy, wet, and slippery.

Unconsciously, Kagami stopped and turned to offer her hand to Konata, because there was almost a three feet drop. When she realized what she was doing, she blushed again and yanked her hand off – and Konata fell down, face first into the mud.

"Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to do that!" Kagami gasped, rushing to help her blue-haired friend.

Konata spluttered, because she had mud in her mouth, and whined, "Kagamin, that was an evil trick! Now my uniform is all dirty."

"Why did you have to wear your high school uniform on this trip?" Kagami groaned, as she was helping Konata up.

"I felt there was a demand for it in this bus."

Kagami glared at her with suspicion. Did she mean her or Hiyori? She brushed the thought off for now. "We've got to get indoors and strip those wet clothes off."

"Oh! Kagamin! I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet!" Konata chirped.

"I meant I don't want you to catch a cold!" Kagami groaned.

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"Does anybody know where we are?" cousin Yui asked. They all shook their heads. Nobody's cell phone was still working, and there weren't even any road signs anywhere near. Yui had been concentrated on driving and didn't even remember which town they had last driven through.

Rain was still pouring down on them. While they all had umbrellas, they didn't prevent their feet getting wet.

Konata sneezed loudly, without covering her mouth – but Kagami didn't scold her, instead she wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closed, trying to warm her a bit. "Kagamin, your clothes will get dirty …" Konata whispered. "I don't care …"

Lightning struck somewhere near, so near that the flash and the boom came almost simultaneously. Tsukasa screamed in terror, and all of them flinched.

But in the flash, they could see a short side road nearby, leading to a metal gate, and a very large building beyond.

All of them burst into talking. "Did you see that?" – "It's a … manor house?" – "I think I can see a light in a window." – "It looked a bit scary…" – "I don't care whether it's a haunted house! I just want to get indoors!" – "H-haunted house?" – "Maybe they at least have a working telephone?" – "Maybe they have hot chocolate?" – "Maybe they have beer." – "What, cold beer? I'd rather have a whiskey or something." – "A cup of tea for me!"

As they approached the gate they saw a crude sign hanging on it. The sign had those weird Western letters on it.

"What does it say?" Kuroi-sensei asked, looking at Miyuki.

"Aren't you supposed to be a teacher …" Kagami muttered.

"Umm … 'Enter at your own risk.' And two exclamation marks," Miyuki explained.

"Well, this is an emergency! They are obliged to help us," Yui said, and pulled the gate open.

As they came closer, they saw that the place was more like a castle than just a manor house. Another flash of lightning revealed several towers towering above them. The gray stone walls of the building were covered by ivy, and the tall, narrow windows had stained glass windows. Dim light could be seen through the windows of the great double doors at the front. Overall, it did look exactly like a classical haunted manor.

The girls stopped and looked at each other, until most of them turned to look at to Yui. "What?" she asked.

"Sis, you are the police officer in here … c-couldn't you knock on the door?" Yutaka suggested.

"Oh. Right," Yui replied. Somewhat hesitantly, she climbed the few steps. Instead of a knocker, she found a button, and pressed it. The doorbell sounded more like a real bell being rung inside.

After just a few seconds, there was a clink and a creak and the door opened slightly. A sharp, pale nose stuck out, followed by the rest of the person.

It was a hunchbacked, pale and gaunt Western gentleman, with a long, black overcoat tucked over his shoulders, and black pants and a dirty white shirt underneath. He had long and disheveled blonde hair, and dark rings under his bloodshot eyes. He was carrying a candelabrum with several lit candles. "Hello?"

"Good evening. I am Yui Narumi," Yui said, bowing politely. She didn't think of speaking in English, not that she even could. "And these are a group of students –" Kuroi-sensei opened her mouth but decided not to correct her at this point – "We are sorry to intrude, but our minibus broke down a mile up the road. And none of our cellphones don't seem to connect –"

"I thought you were the candyman," the man interrupted her, this time speaking Japanese.

"Oh, you get them delivered at home?" Tsukasa gasped. She never thought that would happen. She knew one could order pizzas and stuff at home, but … candy! Come to think of it, she kind of wanted some candy now, but she and Kagami had eaten all they had. Kagami had eaten more, though.

The man took an odd look at Tsukasa, and mumbled, "I think you'd better come inside."

The girls gasped when they saw the interior. Everything in the place looked old. Like, really old.

"It's as if … as if we were in the 1970's again!" Kuroi-sensei gasped.

"It's like doing a time-warp!" Yui noted.

They flinched as the front door slammed close behind them, and the lock clicked close.

"Where did that weird foreigner go?" Tsukasa asked.

"Hm. Can't see him. Not at all," Yui noted.

Puzzled, they looked around, and, indeed, the odd hunchbacked man was already gone, leaving only the candelabrum behind. Miyuki sidestepped to the right, accidentally hitting a light switch, and a row of chandeliers on the ceiling illuminated the entire hallway.

There was a staircase leading to second floor, and several doors on the sides of the hall. The hall itself continued further inside, and there was apparently a large ballroom at the other end of it. There was nobody in sight, and apart from the rustling of the rain, everything was quiet.

"Weird," one of them noted, summing up everyone's thoughts.

"Umm, guys, shouldn't we take off our shoes?" Ayano asked.

They realized they were already standing on the mattress. Apparently this place didn't have a proper _genkan_. Quickly, they took their shoes off and arranged them into a row, facing the door, and started looking for slippers. Of course, they didn't find any.

Further in the hallway, Tsukasa noticed a cupboard, opened it, turned white as a paper, and, without making any sound, collapsed into a heap onto the soft rug covering the length of the hallway.

"Tsukasa!" Kagami gasped, and rushed to help her. She saw the "cupboard" – it was actually a coffin, standing upright, and it contained a human skeleton covered in dust and cobwebs. "Yikes!" Kagami screamed.

"Whoa!" Konata yelled. Bravely, she poked a finger at the skeleton. "…it's plastic! I think this place _is_ a haunted house. I mean, like, a theme park. Not a real one."

"There weren't any signs – well, nothing that indicated a theme park, anyway," Yui noted.

While Kagami and Yui, instructed by the medical student Miyuki, tended to Tsukasa, Misao and some of the more curious people looked behind one of the doors and found a large room with several comfy chairs and couches. There was also a large fireplace giving them an opportunity to warm their feet and dry off their clothes. They carried Tsukasa onto one of the couches. Miyuki sat onto the floor beside her and stayed there, holding her hand. Hiyori nestled into a nearby chair and started sketching them immediately.

Patricia sat onto the armrest and leaned on Hiyori's shoulder. "Yo, Hiyori," she whispered into her ear. "This is a good situation, isn't it?"

Hiyori had a hard time concentrating when Patricia was so close. But since she was an American, she didn't have the proper respect of people's personal space. She was wearing a shirt with a very generous neckline, and her cleavage was right in front of Hiyori's bulging eyes. "U-uh, I guess …" Hiyori muttered.

"Looks like we have been paired up already. Konata and Kagami are inseparable, then there's Yutaka and Minami, and Misao and Ayano. And now, Miyuki and Tsukasa. And I think the old women are also interested in each other –" Patricia looked around, but fortunately neither of the "old women" were close enough to hear her.

Patricia grinned, and leaned even closer to Hiyori. Her breath tickled Hiyori's ear as she whispered, "So that leaves only one more pairing … that's us."

Hiyori flinched, and her pen twitched as well, making an extraneous line. Her cheeks turned bright red and she started looking for the eraser. Patricia noticed it on the small table nearby, picked it up, and just as she was handing it to Hiyori, it slipped from her fingers and fell – directly into her ample cleavage. "Oops!"

Next thing Hiyori needed was a handkerchief. For her nosebleed.

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(Due to the extreme heat wave in my country - - I just couldn't write, and shall now skip many scenes. Kagami would have helped Konata to change into dry clothes, then they would have started exploring in search of food – Kagami's growling stomach would have embarrassed her, of course. They would have started exploring the place, found the kitchen, but the only food besides canned beans would have been a curious meatloaf in the fridge. They wouldn't have eaten it. And all the "pairs" would have had their own little adventures in the manor house. But, for now, I just want to get rid of this chapter, and write only about Konata's and Kagami's exploits.)

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"Kagamin," Konata whispered.

Kagami ignored her. Whatever Konata had to say could not be important, when they were lost in a place like this. She kept walking on and dragging Konata behind her.

"Kagamin."

"What now!" she snapped.

"It's nice holding hands with you."

Kagami flinched and quickly let Konata's hand go. "I didn't mean to! I mean, I didn't want you to get lost! I didn't even notice it!"

Konata giggled. "Aww, Kagamin. You can always hold my hand if you want to."

"No! No! I don't! It was just because of this!"

Kagami didn't specify, but Konata guessed she meant, because they were lost inside this scary place. Konata would never admit it, but she herself was a bit scared as well. She'd like Kagami to hold her hand again, but apparently her remark had spoiled the mood.

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"Whoa! A library!" Konata gasped. Somewhere along the way, Kagami had taken a wrong turn and had been separated from Konata. Or maybe Konata had taken a wrong turn. They should have held hands after all. In any case, now Konata was searching for her Kagamin.

There seemed to be an endless number of floors, stairs, corridors, and doors in the mansion. She had taken stairs up, but when she tried to come back downstairs, she had not found the same stairs and thus had ended in unexplored territory. So she started opening doors at random, hoping to at least find a window or something.

This big room didn't have windows, but what was more exiting was that it was full of bookshelves. Two floors, even – there was a balcony going around the room above her, and there were more rows of bookshelves.

Konata rushed to the nearest bookshelf which she thought was full of manga. She wasn't quite that lucky, though. The books were all in foreign language and apparently they weren't manga but something else.

At the corner of her eye, she saw movement up on one wall. She turned to look and saw an old gypsum bust above the door through which she had came in. To her amazement, on top of the bust was a bird. A live one. And large. Black.

"Oh, hi. Who are you?" Konata asked.

"Nevermore!" the bird answered.

"What, you can talk!" Konata gasped. "Are you a parrot?"

Again, the bird croaked, "Nevermore!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You don't look like a parrot. You know, you look rather scary. But I won't be scared! I know this place isn't haunted or anything."

Somehow, it looked like the bird flinched. Or, at least, if a bird could flinch, it might have looked like that. "Nevermore!" it quoth, yet another time.

Konata giggled. "I knew there were no ghosts around here. We aren't in any sort of danger, then?"

"Nevermore," the bird croaked again. Somehow, it didn't sound nearly as eager to cry its signature answer as before.

There was a glint in Konata's eyes. "Ha! I think I got it! Say, will I ever be poor in my life?"

The bird looked hesitant to answer her anymore, but it couldn't help it. "N-nevermore," it stuttered.

"So I won't flunk any of my exams at the university?"

"Nevermore," the bird croaked – or, rather, groaned, it sounded more like a groan now.

"Me and Kagami will never be separated?"

"Nevermore."

"Mm…Kagami will never stop loving me?"

"Nevermore."

"I'll never stop finding awesome games, anime, and manga?"

The bird buried its head under its wing, and muttered, "Nevermore."

"Aww. I think I'll let you in peace now. Have fun!" Konata chirped, and closed the door behind her as she got out of the library.

"Nevermore," the raven quoth, and fell off of the bust.

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Someone jumped Kagami from behind, wrapping a pair of legs around her hip and arms around her neck. She let out a little scream. Two little palms were pressed onto her eyes.

Kagami almost threw herself backwards onto her attacker instinctively, but when it – she – whispered into her ear, "Guess who?" she was barely able to stop.

"Konata! Never surprise me like that! I almost wet my pants!"

"But you're wearing a skirt, Kagamin."

"Uh…"

Konata shifted her hands off of her eyes, but then she only tightened her grip, clinging onto her even closer. "What are you doing?"

"I want a piggyback ride!"

Sighing, Kagami moved her hands back and grabbed Konata's thighs. In the struggle, Konata's skirt had been displaced and Kagami got two handfuls of smooth, bare skin. Thankfully, Konata couldn't see her face and her brightly blushing cheeks.

"I'm so awesome, Kagamin! Did you know I'm awesome?" Konata muttered, and rested her cheek on Kagami's back.

"Yeah, right …"

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Soon, they bumped back into the first hallway. All the others were also there, sitting on the chairs and couches in the side room. Hiyori passed out with blood gushing from her nostrils, when she saw Kagami carrying Konata like that.

And there was much rejoicing.

* * *

><p>Tsukasa was trying to say the Japanese tongue twister, "Basu gasu bakuhatsu" (bus gas explosion).<p>

Remember: they drive on the left side of the road in Japan.

"Sharing an umbrella" is "_ai ai gasa"_, which could also be read as "Love-love umbrella", because _ai_ could also mean love. That's why sharing an umbrella is considered a romantic expression, and _ai ai gasa_ is also slang term which indicates that two people are going out together. Strange how Kagami didn't offer to share an umbrella with Tsukasa instead? :D

I MIGHT finish this chapter some day. Or not.


End file.
